Why is letting go so hard? A Human Design Perspective

Have you ever been in a relationship you know isn’t for you, but still you’re struggling to let go? Here are a few potential explanations for why this might be, based on your design:

You’re a split definition and they bridge your split.

As a simple split definition, your psychology is such that you might feel “incomplete” when nobody is bridging your split. It’s uncomfortable! When someone brings your bridging gate, it creates a felt sensation of wholeness. It soothes the part of your psyche that is always yearning for something you think is missing within you. Remember- you are whole on your own even though it might not feel that way. When you find the willingness to let go of people who aren’t for you, you will become a greater match for allies who bridge you in the most beautiful ways.

You have an open/undefined Spleen.

On your own, you might feel an inconsistent sense of trust in your instincts. You have a sensitive system! As you move through the world, you might feel an inherent sense of insecurity or fear around your safety and survival. When you are around a defined spleen, or a connection that defines your spleen through an electromagnetic, it just feels so good and safe. Letting go can be really scary! Whether it’s conscious or not, there’s a part of you that thinks you need that defined spleen in order to survive.

You have an open/undefined Emotional Center

When you aren’t in connection, your system does not generate a consistent emotional wave. You can sometimes feel bored without this! You crave that emotional juiciness, the passionate heat, and can be prone to clinging to that even if it’s not healthy for you.

And/or, you’re unable to admit the truth about your relationship, because truth is scary for the open emotional center. Or perhaps you can admit the truth to yourself, but you’re terrified to finally have the confrontation(s) you’ve been avoiding.

You have an open/undefined G Center.

When alone, your mind might be full of thoughts like “Who am I? What’s my direction? When/where will I find love?” Perhaps the person you are struggling to let go of has a really strong sense of who they are, and a clear direction. When you’re with them, you get a borrowed sense of identity and direction. Without the presence of a defined G, it can feel especially hard for you to self-source love and you may think you need the defined G around in order to experience love.

You have an open/undefined Ego Center

Your conditioning might be telling you that you are unworthy of the love and connection you truly desire, so you are settling for what you have.

Perhaps your partner has a defined ego, and their validation is addicting for you. You feel so much more confident when you are amplifying their ego. Without the constant reinforcement of their approval and attraction to you, you might have a tendency to fall into deep self-doubt.

You have an open/undefined Throat Center

And the person you think you need in your life has a design that attracts a lot of attention. For instance, they’re a Manifestor or they have the 8-1 (Design of a Creative Role Model). You love the attention you get when you’re with the, You think that being with them will improve your visibility, and you worry you’ll never attract the attention you crave on your own.

You’re lonely.

You have a very social design (12-22, tribal, 4th line profile, etc.) and you do not have enough friends. Or maybe you have a design that makes it challenging for you to build nurturing connections with others (single definition non-emotional Manifestor, not particularly tribal, gate 33 as a prominent activation, the 5th line in your profile is distrusting of projections and has a hard time letting people in, etc.) … so when you do connect, it’s hard to let go.

You have an undefined/open Sacral Center

You don’t know when enough is enough. Maybe you’re a sex addict. Maybe you have a deep fear that without this relationship, you will not have enough energy, power or vitality.

One or more of your incarnation cross gates are in open centers that the relationship defines.

It feels like there’s a key element of your purpose that’s often dormant, but comes online when you’re together.

Ultimately, it’s actually not completely necessary to understand WHY.

If you have a strong connection to your Strategy & Authority, you are confidently rooted in your body’s knowing and you can feel the truth of a connection and whether or not it serves you. You can sense when a cycle has reached it’s end and honor that, even when it’s hard. It is not essential for your mind to make sense of WHY it’s so hard, in order to simply muster up the discipline/devotion to take the actions you intuitively know are correct for you.

Still, learning about these mechanics can feel like an exhale, and be soothing to the psyche. It can comfort the voice in your mind that is wondering, “WHY AM I LIKE THIS!!?? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? WHY IS IT SO HARD?” Understanding yourself and your relationships through the lens of HD can help validate your experience, and support you in giving yourself grace and accepting where you’re at. Even if you’re not ready to let go yet, you can watch your life’s movie with greater awareness and perceive reality more clearly.

If this illuminated something for you, you have questions, or you’d like to share your experiences- I’d love to hear in the comments!!