Musings on Human Design, Love and Surrender

If you are on a path towards awakening as your true self, love can be the ultimate surrender experiment, shattering all illusions of choice.

For the not-self, love is always distorted by agenda. It’s influenced by all sorts of conditioned fears and prejudices. The mind thinks it’s in love when it starts fantasizing and making plans.

We don’t get to choose who we love. We don’t get to choose what form love wants to take. We don’t get to choose how our loved ones behave and the choices they make.

If you’ve found yourself confronted by a love that doesn’t conform to what your mind thinks you want, congratulations! The universe is gifting you a potent opportunity to practice discerning what truth feels like in your body, and releasing control.

This is an initiation. It is a chance to deepen your deconditioning experiment and experience your own raw authenticity on a whole new level-

-or not! In Human Design, there’s always the possibility of “or not”.

“As long as the mind is both inner and outer authority, communication is always a lie.

It is deeply understandable because if your mind is both inner and outer authority, it is only going to express what it wants to express in terms of what it needs to protect. Because it already has a plan for action. And if it already has a plan for action or a plan for reaction, then it is only going to communicate what fits into its plan.

The real expression of love can only come from a mind that is free from the agenda of also being an inner authority.”

-Ra Uru Hu

If you’re still making decisions using your mind as inner authority, trying to manifest all the things you think you want, you are operating from your conditioning. As such, you do not yet know yourself very well.

You’re likely familiar with your not-self, the version of yourself you’ve constructed in reaction to past experiences, societal pressures and other people’s expectations.

You might know the accomplishments that you use to define yourself in order to prove your value (undefined ego), or the roles you keep trying to fit yourself into (undefined G) in order to avoid disappointing others (undefined emotional center).

Maybe you know what it feels like to operate with a perpetual false sense of urgency (undefined root), doing way too much because you don’t know when enough is enough (undefined sacral) and you’re afraid to let go of habits that have brought safety and security thus far (undefined spleen).

Perhaps you’re aware of your patterns and attachments, but do you know who you are without all of that?

You know what it feels like to manipulate your way through life, but do you know what it feels like when life becomes a free fall?

The not-self is loveable in its own way of course. It’s certainly cute and funny. But if you’re drawn to Human Design, it’s because you know that you are capable of accessing a much more profound experience of love.

The not-self sometimes gets confused and thinks it’s in love just because someone else thinks they’re in love with you. You haven’t yet learned how to love yourself and you’re still looking outside yourself for confirmation that you’re loveable.

When you’re living life in alignment with your true nature, real self-love emerges as a natural byproduct. When you’re secure in yourself as the source of love, you become available for honest, authentic, relationships.

(As I wrote this, the sun was in gate 59, the gate of intimacy 😜😘

I wrote with humility, almost five years deep into my Human Design experiment, still relatively new to this process of discovering my true nature. Still teetering back and forth between periods of trust and surrender and bouts of resistance and force. The ratio is slowly but surely improving, and I am more in love with myself than ever before!)